It's All About the Benjamins

Jump to Comments So, for the past couple weeks, the younger sister of a classmate has been trying to have IM conversations with me, over various and sordid subjects– none of which I particularly care to discuss with most any person, especially not one whose primary claim to fame within my head is shouting “HELLO BEN LAMB” in the hallways.

So here’s tonight’s conversation, with my own personal thoughts scattered throughout. Screenames have been changed to protect the insolent.

[her] (21:19:33): hey ben

Oh no, what will it be this time? Well, I might as well do the nice thing and reply, so I do.

[me] (21:19:59): hello
[her] (21:20:14): how are you?
[me] (21:20:20): okay

Hmm, I wonder if she’ll say ‘why just okay’ again.

[her] (21:20:49): why just okay?

To paraphrase Fukui-san, put another bittersweet tally in the ‘W’ column for Iron Chef Bennyfactor. How many times have I explained the meaning of ‘okay’ to this girl? Too many, that’s for sure. Well, I’ve heared about this guy, Pavlov, and how he did this thing with dogs…

[me] (21:22:37): Hmmm. Let’s see– because I like the word okay, and because I dislike people misconstruing the word to mean anything other than ‘all correct’.
[her] (21:22:55): wow sorry mr. bad mood
[me] (21:24:20): Well, this isn’t the first time we’ve been over the use of ‘okay’, sorry.
[her] (21:24:32): yes it is!
[me] (21:25:18): No, it’s not.

Zee plot, she thickens.

[her] (21:25:45): uh yes Ben it is.. when was the first time then?
[me] (21:26:52): The last time you asked me how I was and I replied ‘okay’ and you responded ‘why just okay’, and the times before that.
[her] (21:27:55): no ben, that is crap
[her] (21:29:26): stop making stuff up
[me] (21:29:31): I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, here, and assume that the previous explanations were in fact delivered to several alternate universe versions of yourself, each one of whom didn’t know the proper meaning of ‘okay’, and let the whole subject slide.

Okay, the ‘alternate universe’ thing is a bit over the top, but at least I’m trying to be copacetic here and avoid conflict, as opposed to, say, obliquely calling someone a liar. Whatever.

[her] (21:29:58): no ben, because you never told me that before
[her] (21:30:07): stop think you are smarter than me!
[me] (21:30:29): Whoa! Shakespeare!

You cannot possibly imagine in your absolutely wildest dreams how long I’ve been waiting for the proper timing to say that. WE ARE BE HAVING A GAME TO SMURF HERE.

[her] (21:31:12): oh ben!
[me] (21:31:56): Hmm?
[her] (21:32:13): you are so silly!
[me] (21:32:26): Am I really?

At this point, I stall for about a minute– well, exactly a minute, from the timestamps– resisting the urge to pull a Tommy DeVito.

[her] (21:32:46): yes sir you ar
[her] (21:32:46): are*
[me] (21:33:26): I’m silly? Silly how?
[me] (21:34:23): Silly like a clown?

So much for resistance.

[her] (21:34:25): you just are
[me] (21:34:36): I amuse you?
[her] (21:34:47): yes
[her] (21:34:54): but not in a bad way
[me] (21:34:56): I make you laugh?
[me] (21:35:07): I’m here to amuse you?
[her] (21:35:36): no ben, i like to think we are friends
[me] (21:35:39): How am I silly? What is so silly about me?
[me] (21:35:53): Sorry, you set yourself up for the goodfellas reference.
[her] (21:36:17): goodfellas reference?

In the summer animated comedy blockbuster adaptation of this conversation, there would be inserted a a soft, distant whistling noise– the noise of a perfectly good reference soaring straight over her head.

[me] (21:36:32): There’s this movie, called goodfellas.
[me] (21:37:21): And this one guy says to one of the main characters that he’s funny, and he proceeds to go off saying what I just did, only laced with expletives, see.
[her] (21:37:44): oh cool
[her] (21:37:44): ??

I LIKE SHORTS.
??

[me] (21:38:03): …
[her] (21:38:21): im lost, but okay
[her] (21:38:23): so what did you do today?
[me] (21:39:42): Nothing in particular.
[her] (21:40:09): boring!
[me] (21:41:04): You could say so, I guess.
[her] (21:41:26): i will again and again!
[me] (21:41:50): Okay.
[her] (21:42:37): OK!

At this point, the conversations has seemed to have fizzled out. I’ve contemplated blocking her, but this really is somewhat fun… not really.