0402.1
00:59:56
Samstagular
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As you probably know, I’m a big fan of Engrish, and Japanese culture in general. It should come as no suprise — to me, at least — that in a conversation consisting completely of Engrish-like randomness between a longtime internet friend and myself, a totally wacky thing was uttered. A thing so wacky, that it required an hour or two in Jasc Paint Shop Pro 7.02 to do it justice. That phrase is Space Potato Number 27.
I figure as we’re a month in to 2004, I should post some movie picks for the year, which I can go on to review at a later date, to see what the heck I was thinking. And now, thanks to the magic of apple.com/trailers and quicktime I can form wildy inaccurate conclusions based on a minute of audiovisual data.
Movies are rated on the Lamb Movie Rating Scale (LMRS).
Highest to Lowest:
VERITABLE CINEMATIC EXPLOSION -> MOST EXCELLENT -> HOORJ -> YES -> SCORE -> GOOD -> DECENT -> OKAY -> EH -> BLAH -> OH WELLS -> NO -> SPASTIC COLON -> MOST PESSIMAL -> MOMMY MAKE IT STOP
It may just be the fact that original ideas don’t get a lot of early promotion, but I’d like the reader to notice that every movie on here is a) a direct sequel b) a remake c) a movie version of a property lucrative in another medium d) based on a fable or story or historical event or some combination thereof. I guess the movie industry has finally run out of crappy ideas and is now intent of cannibalizing the whole of Western Civilzation to produce new products.
Also, Dusty got really sick this week and went home on Friday. I hope he gets well and returns soon. In the meantime, inbetween time,you work your thing and I’ll work mine Aaron has invited me to stay in their room for the duration; I graciously accepted, as it puts me farther away from Lance and Lance’s crappy, crappy tastes in loud music. Eventhough I’m enjoying fruits of this situation, I really do wish Dusty a swift and expedient recovery, because he roxxors the boxxors. Also, I miss him.
On Friday, though, I hung out with Aaron and Lieutennant Dan Vath all afternoon and into the evening, wall-marting and dining and playing games with their assorted friends in the Sears lobby. It was mighty fun. Much more fun than my random sitting in front of this computer all day for Saturday, although making that Space Potato image was fun. That briings me around full-circle, I think, so that’s it for the bloggage for tonight.
I figure as we’re a month in to 2004, I should post some movie picks for the year, which I can go on to review at a later date, to see what the heck I was thinking. And now, thanks to the magic of apple.com/trailers and quicktime I can form wildy inaccurate conclusions based on a minute of audiovisual data.
Movies are rated on the Lamb Movie Rating Scale (LMRS).
Highest to Lowest:
VERITABLE CINEMATIC EXPLOSION -> MOST EXCELLENT -> HOORJ -> YES -> SCORE -> GOOD -> DECENT -> OKAY -> EH -> BLAH -> OH WELLS -> NO -> SPASTIC COLON -> MOST PESSIMAL -> MOMMY MAKE IT STOP
- The Alamo (April) — Most Excellent
This looks like it will be an all-around well done effort, and blend battle with drama and all that jazz. Plus, it’s about the War of Texan Independence, and, seeing as I’m from Texas (Ho!) I definately like it. I think, though, that it’ll be overshadowed by some of the other movies this year, though. - Barbershop 2 (February) — Yes
This looks pretty good. Cedric the Entertainer along with a bunch of other brothers, including Keenan (of Goodburger fame) have to save their mom-and-pop barbershop from Corporate America. Sure, that’s a cliché °lot if I’ve ever heard one, but so was Black Knight, and I enjoyed that too, so there. Oh, also, Ice Cube is devoid of pop. - The Day After (May) — YES
This looks like it could be really good. The trailer’s just a teaser, though; this could suck as hard as The Core, for all I know. That one, however, exuded suck from the first trailer. - Garfield (Summer) — Okay
So, take Our Bennyfactor’s favorite telvision/comic license from his youth and couple it to a semi-live-action movie, will you? Well, we’ll see about that. - King Aurthur (Summer) — Most Excellent
The King Aurthur story, but set in extremely late Roman times instead of the more regular timefram closer to Hastings. The simple fact that it has the Hadrian stuff merits a Most Excellent, though I’ll have to wait and see as to whether it all makes sense or is very liberal with history, like, say, The Scorpion King or something. - The Mask 2 (Unknown) — Mommy make it stop
Please remind me why I care about sequels to Jim Carrey movies that don’t star Jim Carrey. Thanks. - The Passion of Christ (Unknown) — VERITABLE CINEMATIC EXPLOSION
Latin? Aramaic? Judaea? Romans? Jesus? The Pharisees? I mean, this is self-freaking-explanitory. - Polar Express (November) — Good
It’s a kids book, it’s computer animation, it’s got Tom Hanks, it’s got to be really hard to screw that up. - The Punisher (Summer) — Yes
Another comic book license, you say? Yeah. But this time, he’s got LOTS AND LOTS OF GUNS AND DEATH AND VIOLENCE AND EXPLOSIONS or something. - Shrek 2 (May) — Good
As long as the jokes in the trailer aren’t the only new ones (and everything else is retread from the last movie [like, say, Austin Powers 3]) This ought to be pretty good, I think. - Spiderman 2 (July) — Eh
I wasn’t a big fan of the first movie– it would have rated an okay or an eh, and from the trailer, this is just another flashy computer graphics demonstration. Not that the plot will be horrible or any particularly craptacular, it’s just that I’ve never given too big a hoot about spiderman. I’m sure it’ll spawn a bunch of merchandise, though. - The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (November) — Yes
If this movie is half as clever as the editing job done on the trailer, I will be pleased. - Torque (January) — Score
From the people who brought you every car and cop movie of the past 5 years comes a a story of one man on the run on his motorcycle. I WANT HEEYIS HEAYD BAH MIDNAYT. (Translation: it’s hard to screw up this kind of movie, but it’s no masterpiece, either.) Oh, and did I mention that Ice Cube is devioid of pop? - Troy (Unknown) — VERITABLE CINEMATIC EXPLOSION
The Trojan war? THE TROJAN WAR. Peter O’Toole? PETER O’TOOLE. This is so going to rock like none other. - Van Helsing (May) — Spastic Colon
Hey, Universal, I’ve got this great idea? Why don’t you trot out your horror properties from the old days, throw them all together and make them a backdrop for some superhero to run around saying cliché ´railer soundbites? Oh wait, you actually did that. - Zatoichi (Summer) — VERITABLE CINEMATIC EXPLOSION
A remake of my favorite black and white samurai movie series? Oh my spoons and forks.
It may just be the fact that original ideas don’t get a lot of early promotion, but I’d like the reader to notice that every movie on here is a) a direct sequel b) a remake c) a movie version of a property lucrative in another medium d) based on a fable or story or historical event or some combination thereof. I guess the movie industry has finally run out of crappy ideas and is now intent of cannibalizing the whole of Western Civilzation to produce new products.
Also, Dusty got really sick this week and went home on Friday. I hope he gets well and returns soon. In the meantime, inbetween time,
On Friday, though, I hung out with Aaron and Lieutennant Dan Vath all afternoon and into the evening, wall-marting and dining and playing games with their assorted friends in the Sears lobby. It was mighty fun. Much more fun than my random sitting in front of this computer all day for Saturday, although making that Space Potato image was fun. That briings me around full-circle, I think, so that’s it for the bloggage for tonight.
11 Comments
GMT-0500 10:21:00 0402.1 (Sun)
1. Your site has gotten really sluggish this morning!
2. I was sitting in C class the other day and there was this Japanese chick in front of me and i noticed some Engrish on her little bag-o-stuff. I could only read the big heading, something about “Love Story for Us”, and then there was a bunch of little text that I’m certain was hilarious, it looked exactly like something you might find on Engrish.com. I schemed and schemed the whole hour, trying to think of how I could get to see what was on that bag. Alas, I failed.
3. Troy. OMFGWTFBBQLOL!~~~ It’s gonna r0x. And the Jesus movie is Feb 25 IIRC.
GMT-0500 12:49:52 0402.1 (Sun)
I’m not sure what’s up with the site; the craziest thing is that in IE, of all things, the sluggishness is only sporadic and not constant. I need to see what globat’s up to.
And, yeah, Troy is just going to be so nuts. Hopefully someone will get cracking next year on the Gallic or Punic Wars or something. DELENDA EST CARTHAGO
GMT-0500 19:13:29 0402.1 (Sun)
Leave it to Caltech to take my excitement for Troy and utterly demolish it. “There’s no way there were that many boats on the sea!” “Did you see that CG backlayer overlap on the character model? Pathetic!” Still, I think I will like it a lot, because I’ve begun to notice something. Wuthering Heights. Dr. Zhivago. Chobits. It seems teh Nazz is a fan of the romance genre. And what better love story than that of Paris, Helen, and Agamemnon? (Well, Chobits, of course! But not everything can be as good as Chobits.)
As for the rest of your movies that you were rooting for, I think the Christ movie might upset more people than it enthuses. Only time will tell. I think Spider-Man 2 will be less fun than the first, while X2 was as fun as the first and thus was cool. I think Garfield will be ruined, sadly. I think the Mask 2 may actually ruin Jim Carrey’s career even if he doesn’t touch it with a 10-foot pole. Maybe that was their mission? O_o And as for Van Helsin … D00D! Have you seen the SomethingAwful spoof of that? It is quite funny. 😉
My most anticipated theatrical movies are Star Wars Episode III (2005), Indiana Jones IV (2007?), and LOTR: the Silmarillion Parts I, II, and III (Peter Jackson, you da man! If you don’t do it, and nobody else can, then … we equal fux0red!). So … yeah, “patience is a virtue”, and with that, I’m off.
GMT-0500 12:19:10 0402.2 (Mon)
Silmarillion Parts I, II, and III??? What??? I’d heard nothing of this. Sure there’s been hints of Jackson doing a Hobbit movie, but Silmarillion? No way would that work. It’s too disjoint and at parts boring as hell.
GMT-0500 14:42:46 0402.2 (Mon)
Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis? The LOTR trilogy itself was disjoint and boring as hell in parts! I should know! I couldn’t trudge through it! lol But the movies were spectacular, and I’m certain that with the proper team of writers, Jackson could easily turn one not-too-huge book into three 2 hour movies with 30 minutes of bonus footage per film for the fans. This way, we get one book as six hours (OMFG!) but in three parts. You say he couldn’t do it? Of course he could. Enter in battle scenes, which occupy one sentence in Tolkien-speech but occupy on the order of 15 minutes in a blockbuster movie. And the entire pre-LOTR history of Middle Earth is a HELL of a lot of material to work with.
Movie 1: Elves versus Morgoth, Earendil comes to the rescue. Movie 2: Elrond and his brother, and the birth of Numenor. At the end of the movie, the fall of Numenor and the migration of its few survivors to Gondor. Movie 3: The history that ensues, and (even if it wasn’t in the Silmarillion) the events that led up to the first battle with Sauron, with the 3rd movie ending with Isiuldur’s betrayal and a slight hint at the LOTR trilogy.
You mentioned that cool Turin guy, so throw him into whichever movie he fits. And I know that the entire Feanor-Morgoth story arc could easily make one very fascinating film.
Anyway, nobody said that they were doing this. I said that I was anticipating it. That doesn’t mean I heard about it and am waiting. It means I’m waiting for what I am fairly certain will come to pass, given (A) fan demand, (B) newbie fan demand [that means you, Kramedog], and (C) the power of money plus NewLine Cinema’s demand. 😉
GMT-0500 15:07:21 0402.2 (Mon)
Hi there. Hey, uh, I have this thing, you know, called, uh, a “message board”, see. Perhaps this would go on better there, or something. I don’t know.
GMT-0500 15:48:46 0402.2 (Mon)
Faenor is the rock.
The ugly CG in the original Troy trailer was indeed the suck. The Super Bowl trailer makes it look much more appealing, though.
GMT-0500 15:49:28 0402.2 (Mon)
Oh, goodness, I put ‘Almasy’ instead of ‘Notorious’ as I’m wont to do here. MY COVER IS BLOWN
GMT-0500 16:33:19 0402.2 (Mon)
So I definitely posted at your “board” many a week ago, and received 0 crezzy or sane replies. Hmm … if you have this thing called “traffic”, then I will more than be happy to use said “board”, but otherwise, my efforts were in vain, and I shall continue to “post” in your “blog” while outliving the need for “quotes”.
– “Ryan”
GMT-0500 02:13:26 0402.3 (Tue)
I’ll see your comment about “traffic” and raise you a “well why don’t you link your buddies, then”. XD
GMT-0500 03:11:39 0402.3 (Tue)
And let all of my Caltech buddies know that I post crezzy shiznat here?
Hmm, seems the strike-out command doesn’t work.